(as always, some names but have been changed to Capcom pseudonyms. Others have been changed to pseudonyms of their choosing)

Once i was up and moving (kinda) on saturday morning, i decided to go get myself something to eat from the deli across the street from the hotel. I’d been informed that they had fruit (woohoo!) so i made sure to grab a few apples and oranges. Since we were skipping the classes that morning, i allowed myself to relax when i got back to the room and just hung out in a bra and comfy panties.

There was a lot of anticipation building for my next scene, that had started probably a good eight months prior. Felix and i had somehow gotten on the subject of animal play, specifically, kitten play. At the time i’d joked about the idea of having them as a kitty for a scene, because i’ve had my fair share of actual cats as pets, but the more we talked about it, the more interested i became. Over the course of the next few months, we talked about the possibilities for how the scene could go. By the time the event came around, i was very excited.

Felix came into the room with our mutual play partner, Remy (whom you may have heard me mention in a previous blog), and the three of us chatted for a bit. I hadn’t been able to give Remy his birthday present before this weekend (distance SUUUUUUCKS) so i presented it to him then: an orange bow tie to go with his dog collar. Felix presented him with an orange dog toy as well, and we played on the idea that we TOTALLY planned and coordinated such action (we hadn’t; we just know he likes orange).

After we all got thoroughly distracted by a bunch of stim toys, Remy left to go do… something, and Felix and i got ready for our scene. And here’s where words fall short. I don’t know how many of you out there do animal play or specifically kitten play, but i have to say that i don’t have the words to describe how wonderful and fun this was. It pulled on memories of my own cats, childhood memories of make believe with friends, even more recent memories of games of make believe with my daughter. One of the things that fascinated me was the Felix’s ability to dive so fully into kitten space that they really were acting and reacting like the cats i used to own. That was oddly… comforting? I’m not sure if that’s the right word but i can say that i felt an interesting sense of security in the fact that for this short time, i had my own kitten again, and that they trusted me to take care of them and treat them like my very own, if only for a little while. There was a great deal of playing with the cat toys i bought, including but not limited to confusing the hell out of them via one on a string that they kept hunting down but JUST WOULD NOT DIE. Then there was tuna (great for pets and humans alike) and lots of cuddling, head scritches and belly rubs.

I wasn’t sure how to end the scene exactly, but when we’d come to a cuddly stopping point, i simply said “Ok, i’m done if you are. You can bring yourself out of kitten space when you’re ready.” That seemed to be good enough and i watched with no small amount of fascination as Felix settled, then slowly stretched out their legs and arms, extended their fingers from the paw “stance” they’d been in, took a deep breath and began to speak with words again. We both were elated at how much fun the scene had been and, grinning widely, agreed that well definitely have to do such a scene again.

I feel it should be reiterated that my description above pales in comparison to the actual experience. Sometime i feel like my words do the experience justice; this is DEFINITELY NOT one of those times.

(as always, some names but have been changed to Capcom pseudonyms. Others have been changed to pseudonyms of their choosing)

Maki and i had never played before, and this scene kinda came up at the last minute. We’d only met, at most, a month prior to the event and hadn’t spoken much until just a couple of weeks before. We seemed to connect pretty well, though, so the chemistry felt good for the scene we’d planned. We found a spanking bench and i disrobed (down to a thong and thigh highs) and climbed onto it. The majority of the scene was caning, which, though i’ve had a little bit of self practice, was new to me. Turns out i’m rather a champ at it. I’ve always been a fairly tough bottom; my VERY FIRST scene way back in the day went a lot longer than the people watching thought it would, and if not for certain particularly sensitive areas of mine being stimulated, i probably could have stayed up there a fair amount longer. This scene was with Maki was challenging, but i just let myself relax and breathe, and just take all the pain in. She had like nine million implements, i swear. One of my favorites was a flogger made from a soft synthetic rope with the ends tied off and burned so that they formed these hard knobs on the end.

Maki used a twist on the standard green/yellow/red safeword system, adding the “blue” to the mix, as a way of saying “stay right here at this level, this is just right.” While using the aforementioned flogger, she checked in with me on how i was feeling. I think she hit me about 15-20 times across my ass and upper legs, and then asked for a color. I was in exquisite agony, and breathlessly sighed “Blue.” The scene continued and eventually wound down, and i was a shaky puddle of endorphins, my ass on fire and my eyes lit up like Times Square on Christmas Eve. Maki gently touched me, caressing my body and giving me water, all the while marveling at her work. She came to the front of the bench, fondling my shoulder and looking me in the eyes as i breathed heavily. My brain was yelling “please kiss me” and my mouth soon followed suit. She hungrily obliged me and we made out for what was probably minutes but felt like entirely too short a time.

Once i started coming down from my hormone high, i gingerly removed myself from the bench and she started cleaning and packing up. I could barely walk; every move made my ass and legs cry out in pain as if to say “what the fuck! don’t you know what just happened to us?” Despite their protestation i slowly put my clothes back on and found Jenn in the dungeon, finishing up after some rope time with our friend Vice. Vice and i had a scene planned for the following evening, so i checked in to make sure everything was still a go (it was), and Jenn and i decided it was time to turn in.

We got back to our hotel room and both of us winced and whinged as we took our clothes off to get ready for bed. I could feel how warm my ass still was, and had a strange bit of masochistic fun tensing the muscles in my ass and legs to feel the soreness that would surely be worse in the morning. It was then that i saw Jenn’s back, and the result of Rolento’s handiwork, which was at once impressive and a bit terrifying. Truly a “great and terrible beauty.” She asked me to get pictures of it for posterity, because she’d never been so marked before. I dutifully obliged, and the only way i really got thru it was to turn on my photographer brain and focus solely on that task, because otherwise i’d just have been staring at the marks on her back and getting emotional. Even thinking about it now, i have to rationalize things in my own mind. But i guess this comes with the territory when one is a bit of an over-thinker.

After i applied some ointment to her back, we both finally settled in to go to sleep. Because of the stressors in my life of late sleep hasn’t been an easy thing for me but i thought that maybe that night would be different. Normally after such an endorphin high, like from exercise or intense training, i would drop off into a deep and restful sleep fairly quickly. Sadly this was not the case. My sleep was fitful, and restless; i stirred at the slightest sound or movement, and woke fully only two hours later. I tried to get back to sleep with about the same result, though thankfully i at least slept longer this time.

It appeared that no one in my room was feeling particularly energetic saturday morning. We decided to skip the classes we’d originally planned on and lazed in bed until hunger urged us to become upright and mobile. I just was grateful that i’d had the forethought to include energy shots in my pre-WF shopping.

(again, some names but have been changed to Capcom pseudonyms. Others have been changed to pseudonyms of their choosing)

After Kyosuke helped me move things down to my room, we decided we had to explore the rumors of the secret tunnel to Quiznos. Surely enough the rumors were true, and there’s a Quiznos RIGHT THERE, thru a little exit to the side of the hotel. I vowed to make use of that tunnel often, grabbed some food for myself and Jenn along with many Gatorades, and went to meet her at the bootblack station where she was waiting to get her new boots taken care of. We chatted for a bit, ate, and then it was her turn. I sat and continued to eat (cuz i eat a lot), and in the process met up with Athena, who ran the Sacred Sex Meetup, that i missed because of my playdate with Kyosuke. I also got to sit and chat with Feral, which was just fun and refreshing because we’d been chatting online like crazy and it was nice to get to talk and connect in person.

Later that night, Jenn and i had a highly anticipated rope date with Ryu. He’d tied me once before (back in 2012) and it was amazing. The fact that we had gone two years without him tying me was simply a travesty that was, thankfully, about to corrected. In our negotiations, i’d asked for him to push me. I’ve been tied at the hands of sadistic riggers before (Jenn is one such), so playing in that way is not new to me, but i wanted to know what that felt like coming specifically from HIM. His brand of sadism (that which i felt of it) is kinda… fantastic. I’m not a rigger, but i bottom to rope a LOT, so i knew a lot of what he was doing, as far as what ties he was putting me in, and i could guess where a lot of the pain was going to come into play, based on the number of wraps he did in certain areas, but more importantly, where there were LESS. Once i was in the air, my suspicions were confirmed, and OMG my shoulders were paying for it. After each transition, he would let me breathe and take it all in, which is standard practice, but something that i noticed is that he was breathing with me. We both have martial arts experience and it was very interesting for me to notice how he was doing an interesting mix of guiding and matching my breathing as i processed the pain and relaxed into each position. At one point while i was inverted, he laid under me and looked me in my eyes and we breathed together. It was very zen for a bit there. I was sweating a lot, though, because it was still very stressful. Once Ryu took me down and untied me, i felt REALLY alive. Endorphin high like WHOA. I almost felt a little silly, because i was giddy, and laughing, but some parts of me REALLY hurt. I ended up having to do some chigong exercises (think dynamic tension, but chinese) that i hadn’t done in years in order to bring my body back to what felt like normal so i could just enjoy the endorphins without being a puddle on the ground. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a puddle, but it’s not what i wanted right then. That would come later.

Once Ryu got himself reset, i had the fun opportunity of watching him tie Jenn as well. It’s always interesting to me to watch her bottom to rope, because being a rigger herself, she knows the technical side of things WAY better than i do. But also she and i don’t process pain the same way, and we get different things out of it. In a way she’s really entertaining to watch bottom, because she’s so vocal and, well, vulgar. So a lot of times it’s just really funny to me. This was no exception. I can’t really explain exactly what was going on in the scene; i don’t have the language for it. But one particularly entertaining moment was when Ryu ran some rope thru her crotch, which elicited two very distinct quotes:

“No rope in my urethra!!”
-and-
“My cuntโ€™s gonna fall off!”

Obviously, her vulva was fine. After this was over, i had a little time before my next playdate, an impact play scene with Maki, so i kind of milled about in the dungeon for a bit. At this point Jenn found her “half boyfriend,” Rolento, and though they had not planned to play prior to this, they decided that now would be as good a time as any for Jenn to try bottoming to whipping again.

I had conflicting thoughts about this. On the one hand, i was getting ready for an impact play scene, so we had to part ways pretty soon and i didn’t want her to be bored. On the other hand i was sad that i was going to be missing out on this scene because i wanted to be there for her. But since it was going to be a scene with her other partner, it wasn’t really my place to be there for her, it was his. I still wanted to see the scene; i’d never watched them play in person (only on video, funny story), but i figured that i wouldn’t be able to be there for the whole thing. Maki was still prepping for our scene though, so i had some time to watch from afar. It was… an interestingly emotional thing for me to do. I had no need to worry, of course. Rolento is a very experienced and conscientious top, and they’ve played together multiple times, so that wasn’t an issue. But the last time they’d played, Jenn broke down and cried, and it was a release for her that only she can properly explain. Part of me felt sad that i couldn’t be there for her in that moment and it was playing into my emotions now as well. Another part of me felt envious of the fact that i couldn’t help to provide that kind of release for her, but i guess we’re not all wired for such things.

I watched as Rolento started striking with the whip; gentle strokes at first that gradually became harder and more intense, plus the occasional non-connecting crack around Jenn so that the sound would disorient her. I felt myself wince when i first heard her scream. It was a new sound to me, and it struck a chord, deep in my chest. This happened a few more times and i looked away, partially to give myself time to process what i was witnessing, and partially to check and see if Maki was ready to start. Hearing Jenn scream again when i couldn’t see her pulled a different emotion out of me; one of distance. It felt uncomfortable; and seemed to hit home the fact that in that moment, i was really separated from her, and there was nothing i could do about it. After a minute or so, i looked back so see the scene winding down, and watched as Rolento took Jenn in his arms to to provide aftercare. Took less time than i thought it would, and i suppose on one hand i was glad for that because i could witness at least most of it. But i was also relieved that it was over for a few reasons: Maki was ready to start our scene, and if i could still hear Jenn screaming from inside the main dungeon, i wouldn’t have been able to focus. Plus all of the aforementioned feelz.

But now it was time for me to get my own beating.

(again, all names but one have been changed to Capcom pseudonyms)

The ride to DC was fairly uneventful. The only things that were mildly interesting were all the detours we had to make on the while trying to find an ATM machine that would read my notoriously un-magnetic bank card, that somehow magically works at grocery and retail stores but not at 90% of ATMs for some reason.

Arriving at the event itself proved to be an adventure. Jenn parked her car (a 4wd SUV) in a space across the street from the hotel, assuming that we’d move it into more permanent parking once we’d checked in. Unfortunately at this point, two things happened. One: the hotel room wasn’t ready yet and it turned out, would not be ready for hours. Two: Jenn’s car was now stuck in the parking space because of the snow and a remarkably deep trench next to the sidewalk which was oh-so conveniently hidden by said snow. Getting the car out so that we could put it into a parking garage was an adventure in itself, requiring the aid of tourists from Wisconsin, a pair of borrowed shovels, and LOTS of pushing. One of the tourist’s children took pictures and asked if we (and this situation) could be in their scrapbook. That was cute. We said yes.

Parking in the garage was kind of annoying because there was supposed to have been valet parking for the hotel we were staying in, which was the hotel where the event was being held, but apparently people who were attending the event but staying in other hotels (since the main one was sold out) were using the main hotel’s valet parking and putting their cars there??? Pissed a lot of people off. Anyway, we got Jenn’s car into a garage (having to pay twice for one day, which nobody likes to do), and luckily my friend Makoto had already checked into their room so they allowed us to keep our stuff there until our room was ready. So we went to registration to get our badges and packets and at last we were, at least semi-officially, at the event for real. Was a good thing too, because i had a playdate already and everything had gotten pushed back by a few hours.

Now it should be noted that one of the reasons i was so looking forward to this event was because i’d finally gotten over a great deal of my shyness and had actually gone out on a limb and asked a LOT of people to play with me. To my surprise, ALL of them had said yes. So i actually had a fairly packed schedule, which is highly unusual for me. Also unusual for me was the fact that i was going with Jenn. Not unusual in the way that i was going to a event with a partner, but unusual in the way that, despite the fact that we both had play dates and whatnot arranged with other people, we were actually there TOGETHER. I’ve been to events, partnered, before. My spouse and i had gone to at least three, but once we got settled into the hotel room, with few notable experiences as exceptions, we were basically attending these events alone, and not because that was what i wanted, but because my spouse went about doing their own thing and didn’t care what i did. By this i don’t mean “yes, go and do what makes you happy because i’m not into everything you’re into and your happiness is important to me.” I mean the literal words out of their mouth were “I don’t give a fuck what you do.”

This never sat well with me, because that type of attitude is not now and has never been compersion, but apathy. I didn’t want, and don’t want, a partner who is APATHETIC about what i do. I want a partner who cares about the choices i make, because that means they care about me. Whether celebratory or critical, if a person doesn’t care what I do, it means they don’t actually care about me as an individual. I wish I’d come that realization a LOT earlier. Anyway, coming to this event with Jenn, a person who actually DOES care what i do, and has feelings about what i do and who i do it with, made the event rather a huge deal, because in my mind, it was going to be either a great experience or a tough one (or a mix of both), but since we have established a pretty good pattern of communicating with each other about our feelings of jealousy, envy, and other uncomfortable things, this was going to be an important time for us and for our relationship, however it was going to play out.

Anyway, after getting everything kinda-sorta together, i met up with my lovely friend Kyosuke for my first playdate of the event. We’d talked about playing for a while, because we hadn’t seen each other in months, and the last time we played (WF 2013) was a great deal of fun. This time around, we decided to go with a different vibe than the more D/s type scene we’d done previously. We both had rather busy schedules for this event and so their idea was that we needed a relaxing way to start things off before all of the chaos ensued. So we opted to make use of my massage table (an AWESOME gift from Jenn), and I’d give them a massage with option of a happy ending. Just to make things more interesting all around, i’d be giving them the massage with my newly acquired Njoy Large plug in my butt. Oh gee, twist my arm! ๐Ÿ˜› We took a quick shower and went downstairs.

Being among the first people to use one of the now open playspaces was an interesting experience for me. I’m not normally one to get to an event and start playing right away. I’ve always been one of those people who feels a need to get acclimated to the environment, especially a sexual environment before getting into play. Much like how i can’t just dive headfirst into a pool without testing the water first. So this situation was new to me in that way, but since it was also a really laid back kind of scene (i mean seriously, massage is not what people think of when they hear “BDSM”), that aspect was diminished greatly. Made the entire experience very comfortable, and since the room we were in was empty, kind of intimate in its own way.

I started with my typical massage pattern, using exploratory touch to establish connection, find knots and kinks in muscles, and to just enjoy the feel of my hands on Kyosuke’s soft skin. We both relaxed into the sensations and they asked if they could touch me while i was massaging them. Oh, yes please! I always find it interesting when i give a massage to someone other than Jenn, because the reactions are always so different. Kyosuke did not disappoint, and i was intrigued by the way that they would breathe thru things, and seemed to focus on not reacting audibly. In fact the only time there was anything to say other than when i checked in was when they noticed that i was dripping on them. Turned out to be sweat.

Having decided fairly early on that the happy ending option was TOTALLY what they wanted, i proceeded to provide exactly that. Having given Kyosuke orgasms before, i remembered fairly quickly what they liked, and was happy to see, hear and feel that my memory served me correctly. After a few variations on the stimulation, they were feeling pretty good and spent, and i was very worked up. Thanks to the plug, plus the fact that i get very turned on watching (and especially helping) people cum, AND the fact that they’d been manually stimulating a bit as well, i was ready for a happy ending of my own which we had also already negotiated. They watched me very intently and tweaked my nipples (::shudder:: ooohhh yeah) as i stroked myself to orgasm, and made a bit of a mess in ejaculating onto their chest. Once i caught my breath, i made sure to lick a bit off of them, because yummy. And hot. ^_^ Their reaction to the volume was something we both found pretty humorous:

“Dude! How… that is a LOT of cum.”

“Well, between you and the plug, the buildup made quite a difference.”

“Seriously! That is, like, HENTAI LEVELS of cum! Does that just start happening when you watch enough of it or something?”

“Of course. I gain hentai level cum powers by osmosis. ๐Ÿ˜› ”

Afterward, we went up to their room and showered again, and cuddled for a bit. Sadly the cuddling was cut short because of other scheduling issues I needed to get my and Jenn’s stuff out of Makoto’s room so that it wouldn’t take up so much space and intrude on a party they were hosting, and i also needed to get said stuff into my room, which was FINALLY ready. We parted ways here, and unfortunately didn’t see much else of each other for the rest of the event but we both agreed that, even with having to put it off for a few hours, this was the best way to start the weekend.

(All names but one have been changed to Capcom pseudonyms)

I had been looking forward to Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire this year for a lot of reasons. I was getting to know more people, i’d been a lot more open and receptive in my poly/kinky/queer life, i was getting better at asking for the things i want without fear of how such a thing would be perceived (because, let’s face it, i’m just a pervert in the company of perverts), and in general i was feeling pretty good about my life. I had a lot of anticipation building, and it had been the case for months since the day i registered back in November.

So naturally the course of things would not run smoothly, because the universe loves to toy with us.

First off, of course was the separation. Wasn’t really a separation so much as my spouse pretty much just ran away with my child. My spouse claimed a desire to be amicable, and that since my financial situation has never been spectacular, they didn’t want me to be impacted too terribly by the loss. But it all was bullshit. I’m not going to go too deeply into that (it may be the subject of another writing) but suffice to say that “amicable” is not a word i’d use to describe how things have gone. Anyway, Winter Fire happened to fall on a weekend where I’d be taking care of my daughter (we’d arranged alternating weekends due to my then work schedule), so i did some legwork and arranged for my soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law to watch my daughter for that time. Everything seemed to be fine, so i was all set. I’d gotten the time off from my job, the hotel room was booked, i’d made arrangements for myself and my girlfriend, Jenn, at a nice restaurant, everything was cool.

But THEN…

Wednesday, the week of the event, not two hours before it was time for me to go home for the day, i got called into my boss’ office. I thought nothing of it until they closed the door. I was being laid off. No reason given. Just “Hey, today’s going to be your last day. Call our payroll and benefits specialist to get the info you need to collect unemployment. You don’t need to clock out when you leave; we’ll let you have the rest of the time for the day.” And that was it. There was nothing i could do but calmly hand in my keys, collect my things and walk out the door into the cold. I decided that this would not negatively affect my plans for the weekend, and that i would just deal with things when i got back, so i went shopping for my last minute necessities. On my way home, i checked in on my child care plans, and here’s when things got REALLY rocky. My soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law had been very sick, and was still in the process of recovering. She was not feeling up to the task of watching my daughter, so suddenly my plans were basically shot. I was now scrambling for child care and was asking everyone i knew to ask everyone they knew to see what could be done. I spoke to the spouse, since their mother decided somewhere in the conversation to just STOP TALKING TO ME, and after a big run around, another arrangement was made with the spouse’s friend, and everything was ok again. This process, however, left me ragged. Besides the fact that it was going to likely be the last bit of fun i was going to have for a while thanks to my now dire financial situation, i’d had commitments made to many other people, chiefly my girlfriend. If i couldn’t go, neither could she. On top of that, we’d arranged for my friend Felix to also stay in our room, and if i had to cancel, since the room was in my name, they’d have to find somewhere else to sleep at the last minute and i didn’t want t put that kind of pressure on ANYONE. I ended up having a SIGNIFICANT freak out moment; screaming, punching things… think Agron, from Spartacus, being jealous when Nasir was being hit on by that cute black pirate character. Was ugly. You REALLY didn’t want to see me then.

But anyway, crisis averted, and Winter Fire was still a go. I breathed a gigantic sigh of relief. The universe decided to throw one more little spitball my way, though. The weather decided “hey, i feel like snowing again, just to wreck everyone’s plans. Sounds like fun.” So, there was lots of snow, and the dinner reservations i’d made had to be canceled, as well as the first night of our hotel stay. This worked out better for us all in the end, because it saved a great deal of money. So, all in all that bit was actually for the better, though annoying.

So, now that all of the immediate things were handled, things were generally ok. Jenn was here, we knew what the plans were for the next day, and i was more relaxed and all set to forget about real life for the weekend. The next morning, we dug her car out from under the snow one more time, got everything packed up, i did my multiple “pre-flight checks” and we set off for a weekend of fun and adventure.

“And evening and morning were the first day.” Or something like that.