51 (Genderstuff)

August 30, 2012

(template semi-borrowed from Albizia)

A: Basics

  • I’m gender queer. Not a man, not a woman. Somewhere in the middle, i guess?
  • I prefer the term “queer” over “fluid,” because while i often go back and forth between the typical binary with how i present, i don’t ever feel very much one way or the other. If anything i feel on the femme side of neutral and so far that’s been pretty static. Sometimes i feel MORE femme, but i only ever go back to neutral.
  • My pronouns are he/his, but only because i haven’t found something neutral that i feel speaks to me. “They” is not bad, but i’m considering just making up my own.

B: Body

  • I appear to be a cis man, and thus have male privilege.
  • I have never been read as anything but binary, and probably never will.
  • When i was born, the doctors said “It’s a boy!” so you can guess what my bits look like (or just look in my pictures :p ).
  • FTR, i do prefer that they be called bits or junk. They don’t become a cock and balls unless/until you’re planning on doing something very nice to them (or otherwise at my discretion).
  • It’s very unlikely that there will any kind of medical modification made to my body.
  • Me and my body have an interesting relationship. I’m pretty physically strong, i’m athletic, i’m coordinated. I’m most comfortable and confident when moving my body, and i enjoy these aspects of it very much. However, when applied to what my body looks like, people think that these things make me more of a man, when they do nothing of the kind; they just make me strong, athletic and coordinated.
  • I get (minor-ish) dysphoria from time to time. While breasts are an extremely low priority for me, I really wish i had wider hipbones. I’ve got the ass already, i mean, come on! :-/ I also wish my bits were detachable cuz DAMN they get in the way sometimes.

C: Clothing stuff

  • I currently have about a 90% “masculine” wardrobe. I have really cute femme stuff, but i can only wear it to kink events, because it’s a little too cute (read: sexy) for daily consumption. Plus, though i look amazing in it if i do say so myself, fear of harassment, abuse, and frankly, gunfire, keep me from wearing it anywhere BUT a kink event or in my bedroom with the doors closed.
  • Though i don’t have what would classically be referred to as breasts, i do like wearing sports bras (aka “pec snugglers”).
  • In general, clothes have no gender to me. We just have to wear them because public nudity is outlawed. I tend to be pretty utiliarian (and thus, neutral ie pants) in my day-to-day unless i’m going out of my way to be cute. If the world were perfect, i’d have a nice mix of everything and i’d probably look like a dancer a lot of the time. I’m working on achieving that.

D: Language in reference to me

  • I honestly don’t have a problem with being referred to as “male” or “male bodied.” For me, i relate to my body as binary, but my gender as non-binary.
  • I do have a problem with being referred to as a “man.” A lot of that has to do with gendered expectations that are typically associated with “manliness” that i simply do not live up to.
  • I don’t mind being called a “boy” in a playful manner, however.
  • I try not to use “ASAB/CASAB, FAAB/MAAB” etc in reference to myself or anyone else unless i’m explaining things to people.

E: Other

  • Like i said, i’m thinking of making up my own pronoun. Right now “se/seir” has been in my head and i haven’t seen it anywhere else.
  • I love it when people call me pretty; makes my day because i don’t often feel pretty.
  • Movement in general, and dancing in particular, is an expression of my gender. Bellydancing is a particular style that resonates with me, though recently i have some appropriation issues with it that i’m trying to unpack and deal with.
  • I like shoes (i wish my feet were a little smaller), capri pants, and shirts with super long sleeves and thumb holes.
  • In an ideal world, i’d look like this.