43 (“Complete?”)

November 29, 2011

So, last night my therapist asked me if i felt more “complete” after my #TeamNoPants weekend at the GKE. I hadn’t really thought about it.

While i was excited to wear skirts the whole weekend and definitely had fun doing so, i think that i was so wrapped up in it that i hadn’t given much thought to how it really felt to me, gender-wise. I do remember feeling a little awkward at first, but that subsided after about fifteen minutes and after that i really wasn’t thinking about how i was dressed unless certain realities forced me to (like the fact that leather seats can be really cold on my mostly bare ass).

So “do i feel more complete?” I don’t know. I do feel much better knowing for certain that i have a kind of outlet; kink events such as these are really open and accepting to just about everything, so not feeling like i had to explain myself to anyone was just really liberating. It;s not even that i don’t like talking about gender, it’s just that i worry that people aren’t going to get it. At kink even, a fair amount of people at least KINDA get it. My therapist put it really well, actually (paraphrasing): “The clothes aren’t really the point; they’re just an outward expression of what’s going on with in your head, that you’d like to express but have a hard time with. In such an accepting crowd, you don’t have that kind of pressure to explain yourself, because people can look at you, see what you’re wearing and apply whatever they know about genderqueer issues (or even just a cross-dressing fetish, if that’s what they know) to you, and go on their way without giving a second look. That has to feel like there’s a lot less pressure.” That sounds about right, to me.

I think that i might feel more of a sense of “completion” if i were to come out to my family, or wear a skirt in a really public space, or at a family gathering or some such, because there’d be a kind of confrontational feel to it (whether there was any kind of actual confrontation or not). Those kinds of situations would require a great deal more courage just because of the fact that, with my family and their religious beliefs in particular, i’d be facing a figurative firing squad of commentary and questioning, not to mention that they’d probably want to try and pray the queer out of me or something at the very least. Worst case of course, they’d try to take my daughter and i’m just not ready to deal with that level of possibility. Now if i were to go thru a situation like that and come out on the other side, whatever the repercussions, i’d say fairly definitively that i’d feel more complete because i would truly not be hiding from anyone.

I can’t say that i’m really there yet, though. So, i dunno. 50% complete, maybe?

OK, so this past weekend was the Geeky Kink Event which i’d been looking forward to for quite some time. I’ll post more about the event itself later on, but this post is about the main highlight of my weekend, of which i suppose the subject of this entry will give you some clue.

I had my first threesome.

Now i’ve been in orgies before, group makeouts, and other group sex types of situations, but this was just different. Cai (my wife) had told me that that would be the case; that threesomes are more intimate and involve more chemistry, and are just overall different than other group experiences. Having never had such an experience i couldn’t argue but i didn’t know first hand. Now i do, and as threesomes go, and definitely as first experiences go, we kinda set the bar high with this one. This was a tough act to follow.

So, Rose was easily the best candidate we could have possibly chosen. She and i had hit it off the previous day because we’re both bellydancers (and she’s WAY better than me) and we’d gotten to hang out for a few hours and dance and shoot the shit, talking about style and technique. Then there was an excursion to a 24 hour diner with a bunch of people, and we’d gotten her number so that we could tell her when we were going. She met up with us there and we shot the shit some more. She’s just fun, easygoing, really easy to laugh with. Just a wonderful person.

So the next morning, Cai, in her typical straightforward fashion, was like “she’s really cool, we should invite her up for a threesome,” which was something i’d been thinking about, but i’d wanted to ask Rose in person. There was a yoga class the next morning that we’d talked about going to, so i figured i’d meet up with Rose there and i’d broach the subject. But Cai was like “fuck that i’ll text her” because if anything was going to happen she wanted to get the ball rolling asap. And i can’t fault that logic; it was a busy weekend, and as it went on we bore witness to the fact that plans can change REALLY quickly. So after hearing back from her in the affirmative, we set that up for ten pm because classes that we both wanted to attend were going on up till then.

Sadly, the rest of the day was pretty disappointing. Overall, the event had some structural issues that hopefully will be alleviated before the next time. Cai had wanted to do a needle play scene but there was a shortage of safety supplies provided. Of course that was not SUPPOSED to be the case, but for some reason, the stuff just wasn’t available. She did have one pretty good electric play scene with a friend of ours (violet wands and the like), and that was pretty cool. Also, during the yoga for kinksters class, the instructor stopped the entire class while we were doing plow pose, told me not to move, and told everyone else to all come over and get a good look at my ass. There was applause. So that was an ego boost for me, but the rest of the day was kind blah except for those two highlights.

At some point during the day, our date got pushed back to 11. I’m not sure why, it might have been a class thing or possibly because of Cai’s attempt at a needle play scene. I was fine with this, because almost everything i’d planned to do had come to fruition, so a rescheduling didn’t bug me. But Cai was disappointed because her planned busy day had turned out not to be very busy at all. At this point in the evening id had both our phones, and was carrying them in my sleeves, because i had no pockets, because far too many skirts don’t come with pockets. It was about 10:30, and Cai was thinking that her night was a total bust because we haven’t heard back from Rose at all since the rescheduling; it had been like 7 hours; and we hadn’t seen her around or anything. But i tried to be encouraging, and told Cai “Hey, the night’s not over yet. We can still make something of this.” But she just looked so sad and demoralized.

I had to hit the bathroom so i went up to our room, and while i was up there, Cai’s phone buzzed, and sure enough, it was Rose, asking what room we’re in. So i texted her back, gave her our room number and told her to meet us in the lobby, since Cai was still downstairs. I finished up in the bathroom, made sure the room looked ok, and headed downstairs.

I found Rose, i found Cai, and Cai is just saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

But then she looked up and saw Rose and was like “Oh!” Then she turned to our friends and was like “Well… guess i gotta go!”

So we headed back up to the room, and yapping the entire time, because as i said before, Rose is an engaging kind of person. We were just talking and talking and talking and laughing and joking and just having a grand old time. We were all just really relaxed and comfortable with each other. It was great. Naturally, we talk about sexual things we like, and do some negotiating. Originally (when setting things up earlier), Rose didn’t want there to be any penetration because she was starting her period, so we suggested a cuddly make-out kind of threesome, and she was all about that. But during our negotiations, somehow it came up that due to Cai’s IUD (which has since been removed), she’d bled more days during her cycle than not, so crime scene sex (heh) was nothing new to us, so Rose decided that as long as the blood doesn’t bother us (it was only the first day of her period) then penetration was all good with her. Cai (again, straightforward) was like “we’ve got towels, we’re all set.” Cai is always prepared for anything. We had plenty of condoms, gloves, and sex toy safe lube to go around.

So we continued talking about different things we like, and i mentioned that my back is really sensitive. Rose responded to that with “i just so happen to give good backrubs!” So i enthusiastically hopped over to her, took my top off and she started working on my back. And it’s REALLY nice. After a moment, Cai started starts kissing me and playing with my nipples, and i thought to myself “This… is a VERY good day.”

Rose’s massage took on a couple of forms, at first more typical but then she added her mouth, kissing my back and nibbling on my shoulders. Cai went over my shoulder to kiss her, and then i turned around and kiss both of them, and then we kinda pinned Rose down to double team her, just kissing everywhere. Things were starting to really heat up, and at one point Rose is pulled her underwear off with the comment of “These need to go,” and Cai literally pumped her fist and shouted “YES!” And then immediately dialed it back and said “Um, i mean, um, whatever, as long as you’re good that’s cool…” But Rose replied “Oh, no, cheering is good! Cheer away!” So Cai goes back to “woohoo!”

We all had a good laugh about that. In fact there was lots of laughing the whole night, including a very corny (if obligatory, since Rose is white) “Oreo Cookie” joke, made by Cai. I was just like “O_o Really?”

So eventually all clothes had been discarded and we were all naked, hands and mouths are roaming all over, and Rose asks T to put on her strap-on. I believe her exact words were “May i have some lady dick, please?” Cai is, of course, ready and willing.

Now, Cai does not mess around when it comes to dildos, and the one she was using that evening was no exception. She hasn’t named it, but i call it “Big Blue.” I think that once she put it on, Rose and i both kinda started at it like “Whoa.” Cai also slid a glove on and decided to prime the pump, as it were, by giving Rose a good finger-fucking. I continued my own ministrations on Rose, kissing her and nibbling on hr nipples, but also helping Cai out by pressing on Rose’s g-spot. One orgasm later Cai figured Rose was ready and slowly eased big blue into Rose’s wet and waiting cunt.

At this point that i just kinda sat back, because i’d never seen Cai use a strap-on on anyone before. I’ve heard stories, and she’s complained that her abs get sore (welcome to my world 😛 ), but before that night i’d never seen it in person.

It’s quite a sight, let me just tell you. She works hard.

A funny thing: at first, when she saw the dildo Cai was using, Rose was all “No problem!” but then when she felt it for the first time, she was like “Damn, that’s bigger than it looks.” But once she got adjusted, which didn’t take long, she was LOVING it. And Rose is very loud (and at some points, melodic), so besides the show i was being given, i was also getting an epic soundtrack of grunts, moans and screams, while Cai worked up a good sweat while pounding her.

A couple of orgasms later, they stopped for a water break, and Rose wanted to return the favor and try big blue on Cai, which was new for Cai, because she’d rarely been the receiver with anyone but me, and Cai had never felt big blue before either, so this was all new territory. It was also new for Rose because she’d has never worn a cock that big. And she was grinning like the fucking Joker when she put it on. Said grin never went away, because she was kinda power tripping.

Rose put a glove on and also reciprocated with the fingering to warm Cai up (again, not that she needed much if any), and i put a condom on as well, because we wanted Cai to feel the difference. She’s used to me, so the size wasn’t such a factor, but again she’s never been on the receiving end of strap-on sex so it’s just different. Rose started fucking her, and Cai was like “hoooooooleeee shit.” That was all the encouragement Rose needed, so she was firing on all cylinders and her smile only got wider. “Cat that ate the canary” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Rose and i traded off once or twice (we actually high-fived to tag each other in) and Cai was having a GREAT time.

And i should explain something else here: Cai is also very loud, but aside from being loud, she routinely cums REALLY hard. I’m talking with kicking and twitching and convulsing and stuff. And while i’m used to it (not that it gets old), Rose was like “WHOA!” She just kinda stood back like O_O

Cai also wanted to add some pain play to the mix. She’d bought a club-type thing made out of a bike tire (a very unique implement, i must say) so Rose and i co-topped her, alternating between beating her ass and legs with said implement, and spanking her by hand. At one point i decided to be a smart ass and while we were kissing T’s ass to give her a break from the beating, and i told Rose to wind up. So that as soon as i moved my head out of the way… WHACK!!

Cai called me an as for that, but she loved it.

After Cai came down a bit, she had to run downstairs to our friend Karin’s room for something or another… i know she wanted to grab extra tampons for Rose, but we’d left our food in there too. So she threw some clothes on really quickly and said “Well, i’ll be back! Be good! or… be bad! Or whatever!” and left Rose and i to our own devices for a little while.

So she climbed on top of me and we started making out again. I put a new condom on, and she looked down and said: “I don’t know if i can just sit on that…”

And i’m like “Hey, take your time.”

So she lowered herself onto me really slowly, and let me just say, that having never had p-in-v sex with anyone other than Cai this is something i’ll remember for a while. The way she moved, the facial expressions while she got adjusted… i was kinda spellbound. And then once she was really comfortable and we started moving together, the noises she was making were something else.

After a little bit, she said “Can i try something?” As if i was going to say “no.” 😛

She then leaned back and arched up, bracing herself on my legs, and grinding her hips forward and backward. Right about then is when Cai came back in. She just stopped and stared, and said “O_O HAAAAWWWT.”

“The angle i have ain’t too shabby either!” I replied.

We soon switched to missionary, and we were just going nice and slow, taking our time. Cai, meanwhile, is standing off to the side, once again naked, watching, with her hand between her legs, saying “Sorry i’m just being the creepy dude off to the side just watching but this is really hot!”

We couldn’t find it in us to object.

After a nice period of slow sensual fucking and kissing i asked if Rose wanted me to continue at this pace or go faster, because by now she was good with the size and i’d been going pretty deep. She looked me dead in the face and said (and i’ll never forget this, either):

“Faster! Fuck me like a beast!”

At this i turned to Cai, and with both grinned huge, because we both know hand and fast i CAN go. Cai just says “She asked for it!” So, i comply.

And i don’t mean to brag or anything (oh who am i kidding? OF COURSE I DO!), but while she was loud before, she was really screaming now. I’m not even sure how long we went on (probably less than ten minutes) but Rose was like “Whoa! whoa… i need a break.”

We stopped for a moment so she could catch her breath, and she asked me what position i like. I replied that i’ve always been a fan of doggie style, and she was like “My favorite!” So she turned over and we started up slowly again, but soon i was thrusting and she was pushing back at a pretty strong pace. During all of this, Cai is still off to the side jerking off and just enjoying the show. Rose and i are both enjoying ourselves immensely, so again, no objection.

Cai had always wanted to watch me fuck someone else, so she was in her own separate, blissful world watching us. But she moved around a few times and came closer to get a better view. At the same time i heard her start to get louder so i grab Cai by her head and pull her in to kiss her, sending her over the edge as she came in the next few seconds.

If i were to do an illustration of this whole scene, that moment would be the one i’d want to capture.

So then Cai moved behind me and started kissing my neck and whatever else she could reach, and played with my nipples again, which i LOVE; Rose continued to moan loudly, and it was just… awesome. So i was just enjoying life. On TOP of that (something else i love) i felt Rose come. I could feel her tighten up, and i was just like “Oh!” After that, she was pretty done.

I put on one more new condom, and Cai told me “I want you to come inside me.”

“Well, i’ll do my best! ^_^”

Cai wanted doggie style as well, so Rose got behind me, tending to me the same way Cai did, and at on point she practically growled in my ear “I want you to come.” Now, normally, that combined with her ministrations would send me over the edge.


Cai and i had had sex that morning, so it was going to take me a lot longer, an Cai was getting sore, so we had to stop. I was fine with this. As good as everything felt, we were all kinda tired. Rose stuck around for a while, and we all hung out naked and ate chinese food, and watched funny online videos and started chatting again, laughing like before.

It was just a great time overall. Like i said: setting the bar high.

Oh and the reason it was a time-traveling threesome? It all happened during the daylight savings time-change. So it’s like we went back in time, while fucking! Our hotel room became a TARDIS, or something. 😛