25 (RTFM!)

December 22, 2010

Taking a cue from Cunningminx i’ve decided to write a handy dandy user manual for those who may want to… use me. I’m basically using her format as outlined in her podcast.

This is a first draft. I’m sure things are going to change as i get older and learn more about myself. Anyway, here goes:

The user manual:

family history:

My parents are both christian, and because of that, don’t know a lot of things about me, nor should they. Growing up was fine, i often had more communication with my mother about personal/life issues. Mom is a little high strung and always trying to give me advice and or stifle my online voice, which is why personal/angry/emo status updates are only put up in places where she can’t see them. She was most often the disciplinarian at home (spankings, etc.)

Dad is laid back, and could probably deal with things in my personal/online life a little easier, but since they would afterward have to go thru my mother, i ain’t tellin’ him shee-it. He ever only spanked me a few times, and they were VERY painful.

I have one younger sister, and our relationship is… improving, though since she also comes at me from a christian angle, she doesn’t get me. She never really has, though, because i’ve always been a big nerd and she’s never been. Main thing that fucked up our relationship, though i din’t know it until a decade later was when she had cancer. I really wasn’t prepared to handle it well, so i was often withdrawn, and she took that to mean that i didn’t love her since i stayed away. Really what it was, was that hated watching her suffer.

My basic traits:

I’m a generally easygoing person. I’m athletic, artistic, and creative. I’m a talker. I’m also the quintessential black nerd. I love videogames, martial arts/sci-fi/fantasy movies, animation, comic books, rpgs… I’m all over the map with my nerdiness. I’m also an older nerd, so i’m a little bit of an elitist about it. A geekery quality enthusiast, perhaps? I also really love music of (almost) all types, but my love of hip-hop and r&b stops at about the year 2002 with few exceptions.


Being raised christian i was stifled sexually (i was also taught that “friends first” bullshit, which really didn’t help). I didn’t lose my virginity until i was thirty, to my later-to-be wife. Because of that, it is only now that my sexual development is maturing, and i definitely haven’t ARRIVED, yet. So i’m very excited and open to talk about sex at any given time. Since i was so stifled and now feel free to explore these things, i’m kinda chomping at the bit to do so. This is, however, coupled with a sometimes overwhelming nervousness about being so open and scaring people away. Also i hate being interrupted when i’m working. That’s completely unrelated, though.

Things i value:

My family, my health, my creativity. I’m very into social justice, and i’m not a fan of the government right now because they tend to suck at that.

How to turn me on emotionally:

Let me know that i’m allowed to be myself and that no aspect of me will be treated as weird in a negative way.

Talk to me. I crave conversation on whatever subject. Tell me what you think about whatever’s going on in my life, and be open to me about what’s going on in yours.

Trust me and let me know that i can trust you. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with me.

Include me in activities with other people. I like doing new and different things. If you’re in another relationship, i want to meet him or her and connect with them as well. You should also get to know my wife and child.

Return phone calls. This is a big deal. Even if it’s just for a minute long conversation, or even if it’s just to leave me a message or text.

Listen to me rant if i’m freaking out. I have a tendency to overreact and as long as i get that out early then i can think rationally afterwards.

How to turn me on sexually:


Kung fu movie references/quotes (for the lulz). Movie quotes in general.

Proficiency in language; especially if you can curse or talk dirty in another language, you’ll have me at “kiss my ass.”

Tip generously if you happen to be paying for dinner.

Look me in the eye when you’re talking to me. You’d be surprised how many people don’t.

Try not to laugh too hard if/when i cry at a movie.

Dance with me; if you can REALLY dance, don’t be afraid to show off, because i love to watch people move, and i will definitely dance with you. To that point, if you want to go to a club, let’s go to one where dance is the emphasis (example: Lion’s Den Thursdays at Modern in DC), not drinking and hooking up. Doesn’t matter where, either. I will totally hit up a gay club for some solid dancing. Also, I’m adding belly dance to my repertoire, so if you can do that, double yay.

Sing with me. Like i said i love music, and i sing along with anything. You’ll really hook me if you can harmonize.

Be passionate about whatever your interests are. If you really like what you’re into, you’ll probably get me interested in it as well.

Call me out if i’m being a moron about something, or if i’m talking too much, or if i’m just crossing a line.

Take me out for interesting and different food. Bonus if you can cook/prepare it.

Idle touches mean a lot to me. Also cuddling. I don’t need to be all over you, or vice versa, but a head on my shoulder during a movie, or holding my hand goes a long way.

Massages are awesome.

Feel free to be silly.

Spending a day together is awesome, whether that’s going out to places in a city, hiking, or just nerding out watching DVDs all day.

I love physical activity in general, and i have a particular love for martial arts. If you can/want to practice with me, you’ll definitely have my attention. Bonus if you can teach me something, naturally.

I’m an artist and photographer; i love it if you modeled for me.

Be comfortable in your own skin.


First off, sex to me is anything involving genital or anal contact, whether orally or genitally. So if anyone’s mouth is going down south (hey that rhymed!), that is sex. BDSM play, while it is often sexual, doesn’t really count, and it requires a different kind of trust than sex. Once the two start intermingling, then the real fun begins.

I’ve never had casual sex, but i’m open to the idea, if i’m really into you. But if i’m really into you i’ll probably want more than just sex the one time, so that remains to be seen.

As far as what i’m into… it depends on my mood. Sometimes i want to just be caressed, other times i want to be tied down and fucked with a strap-on. I have to really trust you if you’re going to do the latter, so don’t expect that to happen in a possible casual encounter, but hey if you get me really warmed up, i might be down for anything.

As far as getting me warmed up, some things are definitely in tune with my dating/flirting turn ons, such as being silly, laughing with me, dancing, training and any other non sexual physical activity that we can do together.

Watch porn with me. And not the boring heavily made up implant porn, i mean stuff like The Crash Pad, Chemistry, and ShortBus. Tell me what you like in porn and what you’d like to see in porn.

I love to kiss. I will kiss/make out with you for HOURS if you’ll let me.

Once clothes start coming off, massages absolutely turn me on whether i’m giving or recieving them. You honestly can’t touch my back enough, either with your hands or your mouth. Ditto for my nipples and my ass. Please note, i am into anal play but ya can’t just dive in there without warming up the rest of my ass first.

I like being teased. If you can tease me enough to make me beg for something, we’ll both be in for a wild time.

To go along with the kissing, i LOVE giving oral.

Wrestle with me; try and overpower me. Bonus if you actually can.

As i said i’m willing to try almost anything. But it helps me a great deal to see something done to someone else first before i’m willing to have it done to me, especially in BDSM play. When it comes to BDSM, i’m really into sensation play. I’ll take a good flogging, but if you really love me you’ll break out the claws and knives. And electricity. Oooh and fire.

A lot of the time i’ll be down for what *you* want to do, so speak up.

Turn Offs:

You’ll send me running away screaming if you insult me, or treat my interests as “weird.”

Also if you insult other people (especially my wife or child).

If you don’t communicate clearly with me, things won’t work. I’m really seriously NOT psychic.

As much as i like youthful exuberance and energy, i’m too old to deal with drama. So don’t be immature.

If you don’t use protection and get tested regularly, you are so gone. I plan to, and so should you.