15 (a little rambly toward the end.)

August 21, 2010

So i’ve been thinking about sexuality in general, and my sexuality in particular (which is something that happens when i’m not regularly getting any), and i got to thinking about how sexuality is defined.

Often it’s dictated to us by someone else. The classifications outdate all of us: homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, asexual, transsexual, omnisexual, monogamous, and none of them actually come from how we actually feel about things. They’re told to us and then we decide if they fit or not. Or sometimes, sadly, we try to adhere to what someone else says about us, without really thinking about if what other people say about us is true. I’ve yet to meet a person who truly defines his/herself by his or her own terms, short of “i don’t adhere to labels.” Not adhering to labels is great, btw. I’m not trying to downplay that. I just think that rejection of definitions in order to define oneself is an interesting path to take. In my mind in it puts one in a kind of limbo. Maybe that’s freeing. I don’t know.

Honestly i’m not sure how to define my own sexuality, other than to say that it’s my own and i don’t know what words match. To most people i’m straight/hetero; i’m married to a woman, we have a child, neither of us are having sex with anyone else, male or female. I’m not going to out my wife in any way (or at least, i won’t say anything she hasn’t said elsewhere) except to say that we are non-monogamous in our marriage, if only we could find someone we actually wanted to play around with. Given that we have that freedom, which is not one that i ever expected, i find myself in an odd place. I’ve related in older posts about how there are at least a few women (and two men) who i’d love to get down with, but the opportunities are hard to come by. The two men in question are an odd thing to bring up to most people anyway. One of them is biologically male but presents as female most of the time, and goes back and forth between male and female pronouns. The other is biologically female, and presents as male most of the time, and only ever uses male pronouns. In the latter case, i always feel like i’m about to screw up when talking to him. This has affected the courtship negatively, certainly, but we’ll see what happens; we’ve played before in the way past, and his girlfriend seems open to the idea of some kind of something, but we’ll see. Anyway, that bid of attraction (to two men) is something about my sexuality that i never would have guessed about myself before i was out of my parents’ (very christian) house.

Something i did discover while i was still at home with my parents was that i liked to be sexy, and that thongs are awesome. I chalk this up to the ubiquitous victoria’s secret catalog, but also, my dad used to be a fitness nut so he had lots of bodybuilding magazines, and when the ‘fitness model’ craze came to the forefront, thongs were the all over the place, so that stuck with me. Later i found that i like wearing dresses, but simultaneously that i have no desire to actually “dress like a woman” if that makes any sense. It doesn’t turn me on exactly (depends on the dress), but dresses are more comfortable, especially when it’s hot, if i MUST wear anything. Plenty of you know that given the choice, i wouldn’t wear a stitch.

This brings me to something else: nudity. Let me see if i can pull all of this together.

When male nudity is presented, on the positive side it’s thought of to be athletic, or artistic and most often not sexual. In movies, male nudity is most often used for comedic effect, and if male nudity is sexual, it usually takes a back seat to the woman in the scene. There are almost never two men together, nude in a movie unless it’s a gay sex scene, and in most cases it’s a (prison) rape scene. Male nudity is depicted alternately as powerful and shaming, often in the same scene, and is more likely to be used to repulse the audience than anything else.

When female nudity is presented it is almost ALWAYS sexual, at least contemporarily. It is rarely used for comedic effect, and in a sex scene in a movie her nudity is always at the forefront. In movies you’re more likely to find two women together in a sexual context. Shower scenes are 99% women. Full frontal nudity is allowed in a pg13 movie, while male full frontal nudity is restricted to R or NC-17. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Female nudity is most typically depicted as appealing. Male nudity is typically repulsive, or at least offensive.

How this relates to me: i LOVE being naked. But outside of certain environments, this is completely out of the question, even where female nudity would barely be an issue. Case in point: i was watching the SG italian villa dvd last night, and there it was. 20+ girls at a villa hanging out and doing whatever, and never wearing much. Naturally it was edited to be as “sexy” as possible, but i bet very few people are questioning the girls’ sexuality in any kind of negative way. A bunch of girls frolicking in some decadent setting devoid of men is somehow beautiful, and sexy, and nudity in that context is all fine and dandy and if the girls are bi or gay or whatever, nobody’s uncomfortable with it, least of all the viewer. Not so with a bunch of men in a similar situation. Or rather, i’m sure there’s a market for it, but it’s not what you see on the mainstream shelves.

More later, maybe. It’s a ramble after all.

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