July 29, 2010

I’m thinking of becoming an asshole.

I only say this because i think i’ve been too nice for way too long. I’m always worried about offending people or making them angry. As a result, i’ve held back so many things i’ve really wanted to say to SO many people. Even my wife. Not sure i want to go so far as to be an asshole to her, but everybody else…

I’ve always striven to be diplomatic. To be reasonable. To be polite. To be a gentleman. To be professional. In most cases this has served me well, but in certain areas of life i really wish i could have just unloaded on some people. Friends, would-be friends, acquaintances, family members… i can’t think of a single person on whom i haven’t wanted to let fly with SOMETHING that i’ve held back. Some people i’ve held back a lot. That letter to my mother from a few posts back was a long time in coming. I did actually send it to her, by the way. She took it about as well as can be expected.

My non-assholishness has been… less than helpful in other areas and i can’t help but wonder if, in those cases i simply conflated politeness with timidity. I can think of many people who deserved a punch in the face (mostly in high school) and instead i just walked away because it was what i was told was the right thing to do, no matter what they did to me. I’d like to go back and start some fights, to be perfectly honest. Show people not to fuck with me. In other cases, i just wish i’d shouted people down and gotten them to shut the hell up (especially recently).

Yet other times my non-assholishness/timidity has kept me from being up front about my amorous intentions towards people. Far too many times, i dare say. I really don’t feel like saying anything else about that, now that i think about it. That particular set of regrets feels particularly bad, now that i dredge it up.

Ugh. Maybe later.

Anyway, point is, i think i want to be less nice. It hasn’t really gotten me any farther ahead in life, shrinking from other people because i think i MIGHT offend. I’m really getting to the point where i’ve lost patience with more people than i care to admit.

6 Responses to “10”

  1. Nicole said

    Ok, here’s my thoughts on this:
    Being an asshole on purpose isn’t going to get you anywhere. There is a difference between being an asshole, and being realistic and honest with people. LOTS of people interpret them as the same (again, speaking from experience here), but other realistic and honest people won’t. So you’ll still offend some and not others.

    Definitely be honest. But don’t be mean. That’s just bad karma and you, being a conscious-holding person, will feel bad about it afterwards. If two people feel bad, what’s the point? ๐Ÿ™‚

    • It’s not a matter of being mean for the sake of it. I’m just getting tired of holding back because of being afraid to offend someone. Sometimes I think people need to be offended, if for nothing else than to actually think about why they’re offended.

      But no, it’s more about just being more honest, and not necessarily being diplomatic at the same time. I have a tendency to sugarcoat things.

  2. Nicole said

    PS.. you were complaining about no comments in an earlier post. I don’t remember you posting any comments on MY BLOG!!! >:) love you.

  3. Don’t offend me for the sake of offending me.

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