8 (hot people who suck)

July 22, 2010

I’m attracted to a lot of people who suck.

Or at least, i was, until i found out the depth of their suckitude.

You’d think i’d be used to it by now. You’d think that, after so many years of being attracted to people, i’d be really jaded. You’d think i’d be just WAITING to find out the ways in which they suck. But alas, i am forever an optimist, and i’m not always very cautious in my optimism.

I’d say that this all started with my last girlfriend, before i met my wife. She had a lot of issues. For a while i dealt with, or looked away from, or danced around and generally avoided those issues, because i didn’t want to deal with them. I knew that said issues were going to be an obstacle in our relationship. Her weight was a big issue. I didn’t have a problem with the fact that she was overweight. I had a problem that she’d complain about the fact that she was overweight, and then not ever even try to do anything about it. I had a problem with the fact that she wouldn’t seek any kind of professional counseling about the psychological issues and self image issues she had because of her weight. She wouldn’t even read a self help book. She wouldn’t TRY to do anything about herself, even though she’d complain and complain. I would dutifully commiserate, and placate, and reassure, and attempt to futilely advise her whenever it came up, but nothing ever changed. There was nothing wrong with her, health-wise. She was fully physically capable of changing her body if she wanted to, but she constantly projected her shame onto others. She wouldn’t eat healthy food because she thought that other people would assume that she was only eating healthily because she was trying to lose weight. She wouldn’t exercise because she assumed that other people would think that she was only exercising to lose weight. She would prevent herself from orgasming because, even though *I WAS THE ONLY PERSON IN THE ROOM,* she was afraid she would look silly or awkward, or otherwise somehow “not sexy” because of her weight.

Eventually a whole separate set of issues came up and i broke up with her. I can’t even think back fondly on that relationship because of all the suck.

Since then, a whole host of individuals, whom i have since met/come in contact with/found on the internet and thought were hot, have turned out to suck. To the point where i can’t even look at their pictures without my penis shrinking. Racists, climate change deniers, homophobes, liars… a LOT of liars. I REALLY can’t stand liars. And then of course some of them have just been terrible bitches.

Some of these people have been MAWs (model-actress-whatevers; h/t to Adam Warren for that term) that i’ve met in person, or seen on the internet, and they had a look that really turned me on, but then i read their profiles or something they’d written that just wrecked my image of them forever. I can’t divorce any media i ever encounter of them from the suck that i discovered about them. If i was once turned on by what i saw, that ceases because it’s tainted by “teh suck.”

Some of these people have been friends who i was also attracted to. In some cases, very blatantly sexually attracted to from the very first second. Then only later on did i discover the suck that lay within, either thru my own interactions with them or someone else’s. In the two cases that come to mind where sexual attraction was early on, both people turned out to be liars. The first case is no longer really a part of my life. The second was someone who i was really trying to get with on a more than just friendly basis, but that’s been shot to hell now. I can’t begin to explain how much of a disappointment that is.

For a long time i’ve felt like i can’t really trust anyone. There’s always been this lingering thought in the back of my head that people are going to turn their backs on me or fuck me over in some kind of way. I try not to think about it, as most of the time i’m completely wrong. But sometimes shit comes out that kinda wrecks things. I dunno, maybe i just shouldn’t expect so much out of people.

Really didn’t expect to be adding certain people to my “hot people who suck” list.

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